this is a very sad post...

guess everybody must be really busy with their work and personal life now.. everybody must be now pursuing after their dreams and chasing after their goals before reaching 30, regardless its about getting a good man, getting married, having kids, getting a well paid job, buying a house, completing masters, completing collections of bags.. etc ..etc ...we are all very busy challenging ourselves everyday.

however busy we are, never forget to take really good care of ourselves as we can no longer deny that we are all 25 heading 30. will start noticing that we are aging faster, metabolism starts slowing down, getting tired easily, start noticing fine lines by the eye, below the eye... etc.. etc .. etc..

what draws me to writing this is because my very caring bf has very consistently reminded me out of good will that if i dont take good care of my face and body now, i'll start looking like 'sum tin har' - 'lydia sum'. and nope, i dont want to end up being fat and not so attractive when i've never even been attractive before. cant imagine being ugly all my life. what a loser, no achievement at all! no prime time before.

lately i am abit stressed up at work. it's the last quarter to close deals, meeting targets, and achieving quotas.. and being a sales support, the pressure and stress from the sales managers are mounting up on me. favoritism is showing, and cooping with work has been really tough. signs are showing that i m not performing well and my job's at stake. if someone has to go, i'll be the 1st to be gotten rid off.

yesterday was a very sad day for me. i came home, dad told me it's time to sell my car. things are falling apart and fixing it would cost me more than a new car. before i even get to understand what each button does, i have to say g'bye to my car. buying a new car? i really doubt i can afford another car. it was my pride, now it's going away. i bought it to prove to myself that i could be independent, and i could drive like everybody else. but now .. i m back to square 1. still as useless as before.

i dont know where am i heading to. feeling so lost at the moment. just when i thought i had it all, a career, a reliable and caring but not so romantic man, my very 1st asset-my car... it's all starting to look distance again. so much uncertainty.

i cant recall what used to be my dreams and goals, and what i used to work for. everything feels so meaningless tonight.